Missing a plane on purpose...

I had a ticket...I had it in my hands. I was stupid enough to buy it in advance. And the worst part is that I still wanted to go.

It's so hard letting go. I know I made my decision, I know I made it with all the information and facts I had at the time. So why am I still sorry for it? Why do I still care so much?

I guess I'm broken. My heart is for sure. But now my mind appears to be so as well. I can't stop thinking about all the wonderful things he was and the magic of the moments we shared. Although at the end the magic was as good as gone.

I know I can surely find someone else, the problem is that I don't want to! But I know and understand that "us" just can't happen. Not under the current circumstances. I'll inevitably hold on to the hope that someday in the future we may ran into each other under a different scenario...and maybe then it'll work.

Illusions are what seem to be filling my mind lately. Avoiding the present by focusing on nothing as a whole but just useless details, pieces of everything. It's already November. Christmas is coming, parties, people, social gatherings, presents. Maybe that'll work.